


Hours

by kei_yairi



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Light Angst, M/M, OOC, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Slow Romance, Yaoi, a little graphic for the nightmare only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 11:10:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13925919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kei_yairi/pseuds/kei_yairi
Summary: I sat on my bed to hurriedly take my phone. I didn’t expect it would take this long, but the reply made me smile nonetheless.





	Hours

**Author's Note:**

> . It's in Aoi's POV.  
> . The nightmare is only an intro(?), really. After that, it's only draaamaaa..Xp

I had a nightmare. An awful nightmare. If a collision between a container truck and a bus full of passenger was not bad enough, add it with this: you could only see the arm of your beloved one between those amorphous vast vehicles. The container truck was upside down, and the bus was already out from its track. Meanwhile, your beloved one was squeezed in between those giants. You could only see his arm yet you still knew that it was him. You recognized him immediately from the gray coloured jacket you gave him to protect him from the cold. At the same time, you didn’t want to see the rest of his body’s condition, yet you needed to know whether he could hug you back.

If I could laugh, I would laugh right then and there. Why could I still use that word choosing? ‘Protect’? What a gray jacket could do to a body among fragments of shattered glass? What a cloth could do to a wounded body between huge machines? If only that jacket was made by angels’ hands, I didn’t have to kneel at the side of this road like this. I didn’t have to cover my mouth and cried like this. I didn’t have to shriek hysterically like I’ve been possessed.

I was really grateful to the point I wanted to stop being an atheist when I opened my eyes that morning. I looked at my room ceiling. I wasn’t at the side of a road. I was lying down, not kneeling. I admit I cried, but I didn’t screaming for his name. I was alone, in my room, not surrounded by many people who held my shoulder and told me to stay strong and to keep it together.

Like I could stay strong if it wasn’t a dream anyway…

I moved my arm and wiped the cold sweat from my forehead. I moved my body and tried to turn around on my bed. I hugged my pillow as it was the first thing I found there. If only _he_ was the first one I found, I would definitely hug him instead. I would call Kai and told him that Aki and I would take a break for today. For this day only.

I bit my lip. The pain kind of succeeded in making me aware that I was no longer inside my nightmare. It was just a dream and it won’t come true. Here I was still trying to tell myself that it wasn’t some kind of sign about something else. I could still feel my heart was still pounding inside my chest and I’ve never liked that.

There was so many things that made me won’t return to my sleep. I could still sleep for another hour but I didn’t want to see that nightmare again. If only I could ask for a dream, I would pay to see flowers and butterflies in my next dream to cure my current paranoia. But of course I couldn’t do that. What if I go to sleep after this, the truck and the bus collided again? What if—

“Damn it…”

I couldn’t hold the curse back. I couldn’t focus my eyes toward anything right now. I could still feel the tears. It was still fresh. I turned around, and found my phone on the drawer right beside my bed.

I sat on my bed to hurriedly take my phone. I found his name at top of the outgoing call list. At a time like this, listening to his voice would definitely make me calmer. I almost tapped his name and called him until…

**[06:09…]**

“He’s still in the studio right now…” I whispered to myself.

I held myself. I didn’t call him. Last night he stayed at the studio to finish the recordings. I could send him a chat-message instead and he would reply me later. I couldn’t stay calm until I could get a proper reply from him.

*****

**[12:13…]**

_**Suzuki Akira.:** I’m done with the recording for the fifth song…_

I didn’t expect it would take this long, but the reply made me smile nonetheless. I’ve been waiting for six hours and I got the chat-message I’ve been expecting. I immediately replied.

_**Me:** How was it? Aki, take a rest, ‘kay? I’m sorry if my mail disturbed you earlier this morning. I was worried. We haven’t talked to each other for two days. And I had a nightmare last night. I was so scared…_

I was sounded like a teenager with those words. But I didn’t care. I told him how exactly I was feeling. I was just trying to be honest. We’ve been together for some time, I’ve been texting him with way more embarrassing words, and he was already used to receive chat-messages like that from me. This one won’t make him mad…

…would it?

**[17:59…]**

_**Suzuki Akira.:** What nightmare?_

I gaped at the screen. If he didn’t get mad at me for sending that kind of chat-message, why did he need this long to reply? And… was that it? Was that the only thing he wanted to say to me? I was scared and worried, and there he didn’t say anything other than—

What the heck…

_**Me:** Aki? Rei? Is there something disturbing you? Are you that tired?_

**[18:52…]**

I almost gave up. I didn’t get any reply from him. I sent another chat-message, telling him the nightmare I saw. Then, I sent another chat-message, asking him whether I could call him or not.

_**Suzuki Akira.:** OK_

I clicked my tongue. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself down. Heaving a sigh, I called him. “Aki?” I called after he answered my call. “Are you home?”

He sighed. “No…”

He’s still in the studio. “Have you eaten?”

“No…”

“I’ll bring you dinner, ‘kay?”

“No need. Uruha and I will look for dinner outside. We’re taking a break from the studio for a while.”

Uruha…

“The nightmare I had last night scared me, Aki. Be careful on your way with Uruha, ‘kay?”

“We’ll be alright. Oh, by the way, Uruha will finish his recording tonight. I’ll be staying at the studio again.”

I looked at my phone screen before I pressed it back to my ear. I couldn’t believe it. I was worried about him, and there he was accompanying his childhood friend at the studio. It seemed like he won’t tell me anything if only I didn’t ask him. How sweet.

But… at least he still told me what he was doing. Moreover, if Uruha was already done with his part tomorrow, it’ll be my part next. If Aki was going to stay at the studio, I could see him there tomorrow.

“Will talk to you later. Uruha is waiting for me.”

“Aki—”

He hung up.

**+*+**

**[12:05…]**

The next day, the moment I stepped into our studio, Uruha – and of course the other staff – was the only ones I saw there. “Hey, Guys!” I tried to be cheerful.

Uruha turned his head and looked at me. “Hey, Aoi.”

“You’re alone?” I asked, taking a seat beside him on the studio’s sofa.

“Yup.”

“Reita?” Well, we still needed to be professional when we’re at work. Studio is our working place. Our nicknames are our working names. So no real names were used when we’re in the studio.

“He left. He said that he went for lunch.”

There was a lump suddenly in my throat. “You’re not going with him?”

“He left when I was still finishing my part for the recording.”

“I see…” I fell silent for a moment. “So, how was it? The recording I mean…”

Uruha smiled at me. He gestured that ‘OK’ sign. “Succeed. It’ll be your turn after this. Good luck, Aoi,” he said as he tapped my shoulder.

I was expecting the same words and same gestures from another person. I was expecting to hear those words from Akira first, but here I got it from Uruha instead.

Oh, well…

“Sankyuu,” I – tried to – smiled back.

*****

**[14:15…]**

At this hour, he should be back at the studio already but I haven’t seen Akira. I called him but he didn’t pick up his phone. He wasn’t answering me. Moreover, it was Uruha who told me that our beloved The GazettE’s bassist sent me his regards.

Why must he ask Uruha to do that? Why must he ask ANYONE in the first place? Why won’t he say it directly to my face? I thought that he hasn’t get senile. I thought he remembered that he had something called ‘phone’. I bet he remembered that I had that device too. I thought that one chat-message from him won’t disturb my current recording process.

I thought that one direct word to me won’t hurt…

**[16:37…]**

I finished my part. We still needed mastering for it, of course. But at least, I could go home for today.

Yes, home. There was nothing I could do more here. Akira didn’t return to the studio, and Uruha – again – was the one who told me that Akira was already in his apartment, safe and sound.

I heaved a sigh. Shouldn’t I be grateful right now? I should be happy to know that he was safe in his apartment. He wasn’t hurt, he wasn’t wounded. For short, there was no problem. But I was wondering whether he was thinking about me or not. After I saw the nightmare, I haven’t even seen him again. I was still worried. So, very, worried.

It’s been three days. Four days ago, we met in a meeting for several songs that we will put into the new album. The meeting was not in a pretty good atmosphere actually. Ruki and Uruha argued about the songs, the concepts and all. The side-effect reached through us all.

It’s just…

I didn’t expect that it would influence him to this extent. I know about Uruha being his childhood friend. But knowing that Ruki annoyed him this much just because our vocalist didn’t share similar understanding with Uruha toward some of our songs… it made me think about something else.

Was it true that their relationship just about twenty three years of friendship?

Or…

**[21:29…]**

I was checking my own arrangements for the songs in my macbook in my apartment when my phone vibrated. There was a chat-message. I took my phone and read Akira’s name on the screen. I sighed.

It didn’t make me smiled even after I knew that the chat-message was from him. My attention to him these past four days didn’t even have any weight on him. He didn’t even let me know what’s got into him in this past four days.

OK. We’re together, as band-mates and as something else. But it didn’t mean I’ve become just like him and understood of what was happening to him like I could understand my own self. I still couldn’t get the ability to do that just yet. I still couldn’t for I’m still trying. I’ve asked him, I’ve called him, and I forgot any other thing I’ve done to know anything. And what I got after that? Resenting short replies.

Was it my fault if I felt that it’s just unfair?

I was pretty sure that the questions I’ve asked him were not the rhetoric ones. I need answers, of course, but he didn’t give me what I needed.

Now, what was he going to say from this chat-message?

====  
_**Suzuki Akira.:** How was it?_  
====

How was what? What was he talking about?

Ah… the recording?

====  
_**Me:** It still needs mastering._  
_**Suzuki Akira.:** That’s ok. I know you can do it._  
_**Me:** Well, it’ll need more time to be done._  
_**Suzuki Akira.:** It’ll be Ruki’s turn after this, isn’t it? After that, we can do all the mastering._  
_**Me:** I know._  
====

OK. He got what he wanted. He sent chat-messages, I replied him. All of it. I did to him like I wanted him to do to me. I don’t know whether he did that because he really wanted to, or was it because formality, or whatever, I don’t know. I just didn’t find it intriguing anymore.

There. There was no more chat-message. He was still like that. If I sent several chat-messages without any questions in it, he would stop. I was feeling like if I didn’t ask anything, then he won’t provide anything as answers. He rarely asked me anything in return. Moreover, if he was in his current condition, though I asked something, he still won’t answer it.

Well, there were times that I wasn’t one of his priorities anyway…

OK. So, where can I run to now?

I turned my head, and looked at my macbook. I closed the application with my whole arrangements in it. I started to access the internet. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just needed something to occupy my mind. I just needed something that could make me forget about this problem for a while.

It’s too quiet… songs won’t hurt…

Yeah… songs…

*****

**[23:28…]**

_「…Kakechigau dake de…_  
_…konna ni tayasuku…_  
_…kuzurete yukeru…_  
_…Sou kuchi ni dasu yori mo moroku…」_

Why must it be this song right now? Why should it be this song?

Ah, damn it… I didn’t realize that turning the ‘shuffling’ mode on would be a very bad idea. And I was too lazy to change it when this song was played. This was not the right time to listen to this song, but…

I listened to it anyway…

_「…Iki mo dekizu ni tada kotaeru dake…_  
_…Tsumaru kotoba wo ooi tsukusu…_  
_…Yuutsu yo doke he…_  
_…Shigamitsuki negatta asu wa ima mo saiteru…_  
_…Kimi wo mamoru ka no you ni…_  
_…Yura, yura, yura…」_

My tear flowed. I was the one who wrote this song, yet I didn’t like to listen to it in this kind of condition. I didn’t know that listening to this song could make it really hard for me to breath. What I hate most in this kind of situation was, I tried to wipe my tear away but it won’t stop. It just won’t stop. I hate it…

I hate it…

I hate to the point I didn’t realize what application I opened that time.

I chuckled. I was laughing at myself.

I remember I deleted my account. And here I was with my new one. I couldn’t bear with it once, yet here I was reading the virtual buttons on the screen…

Tweet… retweet… follow…

I snorted. What the heck…

…Don’t worry, Love. I rarely demanded anything, didn’t I? Well, you do know how stubborn I could be, don’t you? When I have a wish, I can make you—…

I didn’t get the chance to finish typing those words when my phone buzzed for a new chat-message. I turned my head and stared at my phone for few seconds before I took it. I read his name again. I bit my lip. I didn’t know what he would say at this moment. I tapped the notification, and I read his chat-message.

====  
_**Suzuki Akira.:** Gomen ne… hontou ni…_  
====

New tear flowed on my cheek.

Did he just apologize? Did he regret it? But… what made him suddenly apologized? I mean, after this long…

====  
_**Suzuki Akira.:** I’ve been ignoring you these past few days, right? I’m sorry, Yuu…_  
_**Me:** I’m alone here, Aki…_  
_**Suzuki Akira.:** I know… I’m sorry…_  
_**Me:** Can I call you?_  
_**Suzuki Akira.:** No… let me…_

I waited. Not longer than five seconds, my phone rang. I answer it immediately. “Aki?”

“ _Yuu..._ ”

I sealed my lips tight. Let me be hyperbolic please? I forgot when the last time he called my name that way was. “Yes, Aki…”

“ _I’m sorry…_ ”

“I know…”

“ _I don’t know, Yuu… things had been difficult these past few days… but I throw it all at you…_ ”

Found out that I was not the only one with problems. Of course. I should have realized it from the start. But there, I was thinking about something I shouldn’t. I even involved Uruha in this problem… in Akira’s and MY problems…

“I’m sorry too, Aki. I was being a nuisance…”

“ _No, you’re not. It’s just… we’re both tired about these recording things, the deadlines and all…_ ”

“I guess we were…” I smiled.

“ _Can we meet tomorrow?_ ”

“At the studio?”

“ _Wherever…_ ”

I smiled. “Of course…”

“ _Good…_ ” Ah, I could actually hear him smiled. There he hummed before he asked, “ _What are you doing?_ ”

I took a glance at my macbook. I reread the words I typed, the one that I wanted to tweet but hadn’t get chance to. I smiled. I deleted all of those words, and I flipped close my macbook.

“Thinking about you…” I answered instead.

We both chuckled at my ridiculous remark.

Yes, ridiculous. What a false flattery. Well, I don’t care. I was really doing that for these past three days. I’ve been thinking about him to the point it came back at me in a form of awful nightmare and it kept nagging me.

Not until I could hear him laugh though…

Now I realized. The awful nightmare I saw several days ago was not about him physically. It’s about him being between work and me. He stood between his other friends and me alone. He knew I was screaming for him, but there, in my dream, he’s in the situation where he couldn’t do anything about it.

He was torn between, and I was screaming for him. Both of us were in a very pathetic situation. Both of us were tired, and we need attention one another. The different was, I wanted him to heed me, and there he wanted me to leave him alone for a moment. It was contradicting. Moreover, none of us wanted to give in, and none of us wanted to let the other know our condition. He wanted me to understand by avoiding me, while there I was, wanted him to understand by pestering him.

See? It won’t be good for both of us who were in big, bad moods these past few days.

But, oh, well, life has its own way…

We will meet tomorrow. I won’t waste that chance. After this, everything will be back to normal again. We will laugh together again.

I’m sure of that…

  
**____....++++**・fin・**++++....____**

**Author's Note:**

> . Yup, the song is the GazettE’s Shiroki Yuuutsu.  
> . Some of the chat-messages (and the timing) were based on true story from my experience yeeeaars ago. Xp
> 
> ((BTW, THEIR NEW SONG. FALLING. THEIR NEW LOOKS. OMG. AM GOING CRAZY . . . …o<-<…*blood loss*))
> 
> And, um, thank you for sparing your time reading this story! I appreciate it very much! I really do! And, um, kindly tell me if I made mistakes here? Thank you very much!


End file.
